Cliché…but let me explain

Sometimes, my life feels like it’s at a standstill. I’ve accomplished so much at the age of 24 that I struggle with figuring out what to do next. If you were to ask me what my goals are for this year, I would not be able to tell you. Not because I don’t have any but because I just don’t know what to do next. Being a Capricorn, you would think I’d have this whole year planned out. And to be honest, I once did. However, my life has changed so much in the past couple of months that I’ve accepted that there is no point in planning anything out because nine times out of ten — things will change.

If I can be honest, not knowing what my next step is drives me crazy and gives me the absolute worst anxiety. Why? Because at the age of 24, society expects you to have everything figured out. If you don’t have a degree (or multiple), own a business, or if you’re not instagram famous (seriously) — you really haven’t made it. And if you’re anything like me, sometimes you may actually believe this to be true. If you do, let me share a story with you that just might help you.

For my birthday this year I really wanted to travel. I didn’t want to buy myself anything, I didn’t want to go clubbing — I simply wanted to travel. Especially since traveling was one of my unaccomplished goals from last year. So my boyfriend, Nicholas, and I took a trip to Los Angeles, CA — and let me just say, this trip was full of non-stop adventures. From our layover in Las Vegas, to Universal Studios, to Six Flags, to trying out our very first all Vegan food spot (thank you Uncle Patrick) — I have to say it was the best trip I’ve taken, so far.

Getting to the good stuff now…

During our day at Six Flags, Nick and I were super stoked to ride the insane (and I mean INSANE) roller coasters. I couldn’t remember the last time I had been to an amusement park. So the plan was to ride all the roller coasters twice, if we could. You know, really take it in and get our moneys worth.

Now, if you know me — you know that there is no way you can get me to put my hands up on a roller coaster. There’s just no way. I’m 4’11 and weigh 110 lbs. If I put my hands up, I’m afraid I might fly out and I will never be able to enjoy roller coasters ever again. Nick on the other hand, is all for throwing his hands in the air and letting the roller coaster have full control over his body. He’s pretty crazy, but that’s why I love him.

While we were going up on one of the roller coasters, Nick looks at me (eyes squinted, with the biggest smile) and goes “babe, this time I want you to put your hands up. Just put them up. Nothing is going to happen. You’re going to enjoy it. C’mon, just put your hands up.” In my head, I’m thinking…oh, he’s crazy crazy. I respond to him and try to convince him that if I put my hands up, I might fly out and we don’t want that. He continues to encourage me to put my hands up, and reassures me that nothing is going to happen. In that very moment, I was still a little hesitant. Like I said, I am extremely scared of putting my hands up on roller coasters. You know the bars that are there to hold on to? Yeah, those are my best friends while riding a roller coaster. But Nick insisted I at least give it a shot, so he (forcefully) grabbed my hand as the drop was coming, and made me put them up. I promise you I only had them up for about 5-10 seconds before I grabbed the bars as if my life depended on it.

It wasn’t until we returned home from our trip that I really had a chance to sit down and think about that moment. Nick has always been so positive and upbeat about any and everything. No matter what’s going on in his life, good or bad, he doesn’t let it stop him from living his absolute best life. I have always admired that about him. So when I think back on that moment, here’s my take away:

Life is exactly like a roller coaster. Sounds cliché, but let me explain —

There are going to highs, and there are going to be lows. It’s going to get a little shaky, and you may feel a little bump here and there. And most of the time, you don’t know what’s coming next. But guess what? That’s okay. It’s okay to not have a “next step.” There is no book on how to navigate through life. There are no rules, timelines, or guidelines on how to live your life. So why not throw your hands in the air, let life happen, and Enjoy it to the fullest? In the end, if you come across a challenge, always know that whatever it is — will eventually work itself out. It always does.

Never ever hesitate to try something different. It just might change your life.

XO

Why it’s sometimes better to love from a distance

I’ve always been the type of person to never have half-ass relationships or friendships. I’d rather put in 110%, than the normal 100%. Sometimes that can be good, and sometimes it can be bad. I’m sure we’ve all experienced both the good and the bad.

Luckily, i’ve experienced more good than bad this year. It hasn’t been easy. My relationship and friendships did suffer for a little while….however, through this experience, I’ve learned that you can still love someone and put 110% into your relationship from afar — A.K.A “loving from a distance”.

I wish I had a solid definition for “loving from a distance”, but unfortunately I don’t. Loving from a distance is different for everyone because everyone’s perception of love is different. However, I’ll share what I believe loving from a distance means.

Loving from a distance:

1.       Not always being there, physically. Sometimes, people just need time to themselves to resolve an issue.

2.       Leaving the door open, just not wide open.

3.       Being able to keep the relationship/friendship alive without everyday communication.

4.       Maintain a loving relationship/friendship with strong boundaries.

5.       Keeping your heart open, but not on your sleeve.

Applying these to my relationships and friendships, has allowed me to keep life-long friends & even family. Obviously, we cannot disown our family, however, we do have the ability to set boundaries. And we should use this to our advantage.

So, the next time you’re in a sticky situation with your significant other, friends, or family — take a step back and let them know that you love them, but you’re going to give them time to themselves. Reassure them that this doesn’t mean you love them any less, but you love them enough to know when it’s time to give them space.

XO

For the girl trying to love a man before she loves herself

I've had my fair-share of relationships. I have left many, and I have been left by many. Now, I know what you’re thinking. Many? God damn, how many is many?

Just listen...

My very first real relationship was in middle school. I was dating this guy for almost two years. I thought I was head-over-heels for him – so typical of me. I really thought we were going to be middle school sweethearts. However, things went left and my whole life fell apart (not really, but that's what it felt like at the time).

Now, if you’re wondering – I am the one who called off the relationship. Weird, right? Because I’m the reason why it felt like my whole life was falling apart.

Anyway, I got bored. I realized I wasn’t happy or intrigued anymore. There was no excitement. It literally felt like something was missing. The flame died out. I’m sure you get what I mean.

I just wanted something new, something fresh. So, I decided to call of the relationship and live the single life. You know – be free, talk to whomever I want, date whoever I want, explore new relationships, etc.

It wasn’t until high school that I started realizing that I was literally jumping from relationship to relationship. I never (ever) gave myself time. Every time I left someone (or someone left me), I would always try to fill that void with someone else.

I started to wonder why I couldn’t just enjoy being single, and having time to myself? Why did I always have to go and find someone else to share my time and energy with?

 I kept asking myself these questions, but I never took the time to answer them or act on them.

Fast forward to 2015.

I got into another relationship while my previous relationship was on hold. However, this relationship was not like the others. This was the type of relationship that gave you life, but sucked life right out of you. It’s still hard to talk about it because this relationship literally changed my life.

I was abused. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually. Abused.

I never, in a million years, would have thought I’d be the girl who did not love herself enough to walk away. I stayed, even when I knew it wasn’t good for me. I felt like if I left, if I gave up - I was weak. If I couldn’t handle love, I didn’t deserve love.

I thought this is what love is all about. Sticking together through thick and thin. For better or for worse.

It took me a while to realize that this was not love. This was hell.

So, one day while he was at work – I packed my things and left. I moved to another city, and decided to never look back.

It was then that I finally realized what I was missing.

Self-love.

I did not love myself enough to know that I did not need any man to make me feel beautiful. I did not need a man to make me feel confident. I did not need a man to succeed in life. I did not need a man to love or care for me. I did not need a man at all.

I needed me. 

Answering your "what if's"

I am currently at a point in my life where I am branching off, trying new things, and exploring all life has to offer.

Great things are happening, and I couldn't be any happier. However, I am starting to notice that I am constantly asking myself "Am I ready?", "Can I really do this?", "I hope I can", "I don't know if I'll be able to.", etc.

Every time a new opportunity comes my way, I am always a little hesitant. Not because of what the opportunity itself entails, but because I'm unsure if I'll be able to conquer it. I always look to my fiancé to tell me I can do it, and he always tells me to stop doubting myself. I look at him, roll my eyes (you know me), and simply say: "easier said than done!"

But is it really easier for me to say I can do this than to actually just do it? Hmm...

I am currently working on my very first project, and I am so nervous. And when I say nervous - I mean scared shitless. I am constantly thinking about what others will think of it, what if it doesn't work, what if I fail, what if people don't agree with my message, WHAT IF?!

Today, while sitting at my desk at work, I decided to write down all the answers to my what if's. I know, it sounds crazy because you would think doing this would make me even more hesitant and scared. But listen...

When you sit down and answer all your what if's, you start to come up with a plan B. You realize that if you fail (because this is very possible), you know what you're going to do to pick yourself back up. If it doesn't work, you realize what you need to change to MAKE IT WORK. If people don't like your message or your motive, you realize that IT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER because what people think has absolutely no impact on what you're trying to accomplish.

I'm telling you... I sat there answering all my what if's (even the REALLY big ones), and the fact that I had an answer for every single one - cleared all my doubts. 

Understand that with success, comes failure. And with failure, comes growth.  So, it's okay if you fail the first time. It's okay to be hesitant, nervous, anxious, etc. It means you're passionate about what you're trying to accomplish, and that's great! 

Just make sure you take a minute to answer your what if's, because those answers are what will pick you back up when you're doubting yourself, when you're nervous, and when you do fail. 

I promise.

XO