Hello to all!
It has been quite some time since I've last blogged. It sort of feels like forever!
Let's just say I took a small break.
This post is going to be a little personal, but I feel it will touch many of the people who suffer with anxiety and/or depression, or even someone who is living life with someone who suffers from these mental illnesses or any mental illness at that.
Mental Illness is a very controversial topic now and days, and honestly- I hate it.
It's truly sad that people feel that they have to hide these sides, the real sides of themselves because they're going to get judged or laughed at.
The great majority of people who experience a mental illness do not die by suicide. However, of those who die from suicide, more than 90 percent have a diagnosable mental disorder.
People who die by suicide are frequently experiencing un-diagnosed, under-treated, or untreated depression.
Worldwide, suicide is among the three leading causes of death among people aged 15 to 44. (Mental Health Reporting, http://depts.washington.edu/mhreport/facts_suicide.php)
To say Mental Illness doesn't exist, is not only a lie- but an insult to those of us who suffer from it.
As it is not ever easy for one who suffers from Anxiety or any other Mental Illness, I am urged to share my story because not only is it real- but it can happen to anyone, at anytime, on any given day.
With that being said, here we go...
A few years go I had a very traumatic incident happen in my life that caused me and still causes me to suffer from anxiety.
At first, I did not want to believe it. I didn't want to believe it because it does indeed run in my family but I truly wanted to believe that I was okay. I wanted to believe that I was going to be okay no matter what. I didn't want confirmation from a doctor and I damn sure did not want any kind of medication.
For the longest of time, I constantly felt like someone was after me. I felt as if I was always the target. I would constantly have meltdowns, but I just always thought I was being dramatic or craving attention because that's what I was being told.
It wasn't until this year that I realized that I was not being dramatic, I was not seeking attention, I was just really not okay. As much as I wanted to believe I was, I was not.
I was having a hard time trying to figure out why God decided to bring me here to Seattle. Away from my friends, away from my sisters, away from my comfort zone.
I constantly doubted myself. I constantly felt defeated. I constantly felt like giving up.
It got to the point where I came home from work one day crying so hard I couldn't breathe. I cried so hard my head was spinning. I couldn't speak, I didn't want to do anything.
My fiance tried his hardest to be there for me but I just could not control the tears, the heavy breathing, the self-shamming.
I had literally cried from the time I got home till the next day.
I didn't want to eat, I didn't want to talk, I simply felt like life was just over.
It was at this point, I came to accept the fact that this was not me being dramatic, this was not me craving for attention, this was me having my first, what felt like severe, anxiety attack. This was me hurting. This was me facing the truth which was accepting that I do indeed suffer with anxiety.
This was my wake up call that Mental Illness is no joke.
It is not something to be swept under the rug.
For anyone who suffers with a Mental Illness, I give us all the credit.
Because IT IS NOT EASY.
We are constantly dealing with the people who don't believe in Mental Illnesses.
We are dealing with people who will laugh in our face and say we are the "attention-seekers."
But you know what, having anxiety does not define who we are.
IT SHOULD NOT DEFINE WHO WE ARE.
We are still human, we still have feelings, and we still deserve to be respected.
So for those of you who don't know what it's like to have to live with any kind of Mental Illness, please take a step back and realize anything said to someone who does suffer from anxiety, depression, etc.. That could be the last thing they ever hear and that could be the last thing you ever get to say to them.
YES, IT IS THAT SERIOUS.
Mental Illness should never be pushed to the side, or even become a controversial topic.
It should just be accepted.