Why it’s sometimes better to love from a distance

If you’re anything like me, you’re the type of person to never have half-ass relationships and friendships. Meaning, you’re always putting in 110% rather than 100%.

Sometimes, having this type of characteristic can be good. Sometimes it can be bad. I’m sure we’ve all experienced both the good, and the bad.

For me, I have experienced more good than bad; solely because I’ve learned to love from a distance.

Now, I’m sure you’re wondering…What does it mean to love from a distance?

I wish I had a solid definition for you, but unfortunately, I don’t. Loving from a distance is different for everyone because everyone’s perception of love is different. However, I’ll share what I believe loving from a distance means.

Loving from a distance:

1.       Not always being there, physically. Sometimes, people just need time to themselves to resolve an issue.

2.       Leaving the door open, just not wide open.

3.       Being able to keep the relationship/friendship alive without everyday communication.

4.       Maintain a loving relationship/friendship with strong boundaries.

5.       Keeping your heart open, but not on your sleeve.

Applying these to my relationships and friendships, has allowed me to keep life-long friends & even family. We obviously cannot disown our family, but we do have the ability to set boundaries.

So, the next time you’re in a sticky situation with your significant other, or friend, take a step back and let them know that you love them – but you’re going to give them time to themselves.

Reassure them that this doesn’t mean you love them any less, but you love them enough to know when it’s time to give them space.


For the girl trying to love a man before she loves herself

I've had my fair-share of relationships. I have left many, and I have been left by many. Now, I know what you’re thinking. Many? God damn, how many is many?

Just listen...

My very first real relationship was in middle school. I was dating this guy for almost two years. I thought I was head-over-heels for him – so typical of me. I really thought we were going to be middle school sweethearts. However, things went left and my whole life fell apart (not really, but that's what it felt like at the time).

Now, if you’re wondering – I am the one who called off the relationship. Weird, right? Because I’m the reason why it felt like my whole life was falling apart.

Anyway, I got bored. I realized I wasn’t happy or intrigued anymore. There was no excitement. It literally felt like something was missing. The flame died out. I’m sure you get what I mean.

I just wanted something new, something fresh. So, I decided to call of the relationship and live the single life. You know – be free, talk to whomever I want, date whoever I want, explore new relationships, etc.

It wasn’t until high school that I started realizing that I was literally jumping from relationship to relationship. I never (ever) gave myself time. Every time I left someone (or someone left me), I would always try to fill that void with someone else.

I started to wonder why I couldn’t just enjoy being single, and having time to myself? Why did I always have to go and find someone else to share my time and energy with?

 I kept asking myself these questions, but I never took the time to answer them or act on them.

Fast forward to 2015.

I got into another relationship while my previous relationship was on hold. However, this relationship was not like the others. This was the type of relationship that gave you life, but sucked life right out of you. It’s still hard to talk about it because this relationship literally changed my life.

I was abused. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually. Abused.

I never, in a million years, would have thought I’d be the girl who did not love herself enough to walk away. I stayed, even when I knew it wasn’t good for me. I felt like if I left, if I gave up - I was weak. If I couldn’t handle love, I didn’t deserve love.

I thought this is what love is all about. Sticking together through thick and thin. For better or for worse.

It took me a while to realize that this was not love. This was hell.

So, one day while he was at work – I packed my things and left. I moved to another city, and decided to never look back.

It was then that I finally realized what I was missing.


I did not love myself enough to know that I did not need any man to make me feel beautiful. I did not need a man to make me feel confident. I did not need a man to succeed in life. I did not need a man to love or care for me. I did not need a man at all.

I needed me. 

Answering your "what if's"

I am currently at a point in my life where I am branching off, trying new things, and exploring all life has to offer.

Great things are happening, and I couldn't be any happier. However, I am starting to notice that I am constantly asking myself "Am I ready?", "Can I really do this?", "I hope I can", "I don't know if I'll be able to.", etc.

Every time a new opportunity comes my way, I am always a little hesitant. Not because of what the opportunity itself entails, but because I'm unsure if I'll be able to conquer it. I always look to my fiancé to tell me I can do it, and he always tells me to stop doubting myself. I look at him, roll my eyes (you know me), and simply say: "easier said than done!"

But is it really easier for me to say I can do this than to actually just do it? Hmm...

I am currently working on my very first project, and I am so nervous. And when I say nervous - I mean scared shitless. I am constantly thinking about what others will think of it, what if it doesn't work, what if I fail, what if people don't agree with my message, WHAT IF?!

Today, while sitting at my desk at work, I decided to write down all the answers to my what if's. I know, it sounds crazy because you would think doing this would make me even more hesitant and scared. But listen...

When you sit down and answer all your what if's, you start to come up with a plan B. You realize that if you fail (because this is very possible), you know what you're going to do to pick yourself back up. If it doesn't work, you realize what you need to change to MAKE IT WORK. If people don't like your message or your motive, you realize that IT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER because what people think has absolutely no impact on what you're trying to accomplish.

I'm telling you... I sat there answering all my what if's (even the REALLY big ones), and the fact that I had an answer for every single one - cleared all my doubts. 

Understand that with success, comes failure. And with failure, comes growth.  So, it's okay if you fail the first time. It's okay to be hesitant, nervous, anxious, etc. It means you're passionate about what you're trying to accomplish, and that's great! 

Just make sure you take a minute to answer your what if's, because those answers are what will pick you back up when you're doubting yourself, when you're nervous, and when you do fail. 

I promise.


Getting to know Jillmary and Jillspaperco ♡

If you love all things DIY, art, calligraphy, flowers, glitter, etc- You'll love Jillmary and her story about creating her company JillsPaerco!

Jillmary is a full time undergrad student pursing the medical field and also owner of JillsPaperCo! She has a passion for art and all things DIY. Although her overall goal is to get into the medical field, she loves creating pieces on the side.  Her calligraphy is an outlet for her to forget about school and all other everyday stresses.  She loves seeing her ideas come to life as well as helping other people's ideas come to life as well. Jillmary is one of my favorite followers on Instragram because she is super talented at creating masterpieces. Me, being a lover of calligraphy, glitter, and flowers- I always find myself enlightened with her work. The fact that she creates them herself, makes it even better. From woman to woman, she is slaying in the DIY department and I am all about it! And to be completely honest, she really got me interested in painting and creating nice little pieces for my apartment. Although I am no where near good as she is, it's nice to pick up some tips and tricks from her work. 

I had the pleasure of interviewing the queen herself, and let me just say- I was also very enlightened by her vibrant personality. To sum it up, her personality definitely shows within her work. So if you would like to know more about Jillmary and how she started JillsPaperCo, please feel free to continue reading. If you don't, sadly - you're missing out ;)

1. When did your passion for painting, calligraphy, art, and DIY begin?

         I have always been really into "DIY'ing" and art in general.  I began painting in high school and it has always been an on again off again hobby of mine.  My passion for calligraphy stemmed from wanting to add more to my art instead of just pictures. Adding calligraphy to different projects for me was/is my way of adding a special touch to the piece. After that, I started focusing on learning different styles and I am always ready to learn new techniques.

2. How did you learn to do calligraphy? Self taught? Class? Stencils? 

         I am a self taught Calligrapher!  What helped me the most was just watching videos and analyzing the  different techniques other calligraphers used and creating my own techniques.

3. What are your goals for JillsPaperCo? Meaning, how far do you want to take JillsPaperCo?

         My ultimate goal for JillsPaperCo is to take it full time! I would love to become a full time calligrapher specializing in wedding stationary and event stationary.  My love for DIY and event planning would be fulfilled along side making custom creations for others to call their own.  I would love to spread my experience and host master classes for others to learn and make it their own.  

4. How does JillsPaperCo differ from other art businesses? What makes JillsPaperCo unique? 

         It is very hard to differentiate my brand from so many other amazing calligraphers out there, but what I feel makes jillspaperco so special is that it isn't solely just calligraphy and hand lettering, its a whole bunch of different art styles incorporated into different projects. My works includes a variety of different mediums ranging from water color on paper, to digital prints, lettering with inks and different mediums and even card making.  JillsPaperCo has a goal of taking an idea and inspiration and turning it into a tangible object whether it be for someone else or for pure enjoyment of making art!

5. How do you come up with ideas for new pieces? Example: Traveling? Pictures? Insta? Quotes? 

         My inspo comes from a lot of different places, whether it be a new cosmetic item I've been loving (since im a beauty junkie also), different brands I adore, browsing on pinterest, insta vids,  and just anything that catches my eye in general.

6. What are your favorite tools when creating new pieces and why are they your favorite? 

         I absolutely love using a basic dip pen and ink! There is just something so satisfying from taking it to the basics, nothing fancy, just some ink and a nice nib. The elegance of calligraphy is so inspiring for me, a simple quote on card stock written in calligraphy is just so appealing to the eye and still manages to look extremely elegant.

7. Fun question: if you had to choose an art tool that represents you, what would it be? 

         Definitely a water brush!  Water brushes can be used for so many different things besides water coloring, you can dip them into more pigmented inks, use to blend out distress inks or water markers, used to create a painting or even letter with them .  Just like JillsPaperCo, water brushes are full of variety!

8. What advice would you give someone who enjoys art but isn't good at it? 

      Practice makes perfect!  A common misconception with calligraphy and lettering is that you must have great handwriting to begin with, that's far form the truth!  Calligraphy and hand lettering is more of an art, there is technique involved, nothing to do with handwriting, you can make it as original as you want.  Do not give up on something you enjoy doing, even if it means watching video after video and practicing for hours.  Art is all about having fun and seeing your ideas become something more than just an idea.  Just don't give up.

9. Where do you see JillsPaperCo in 10 years? 

         I would love to see jillspaperco hosting workshops and empowering more women to take on challenges as entrepreneurs, #Girlboss ;)  As well as continuing to create beautiful custom pieces for people.   

10. Fun question: If you had to choose between glitter and your favorite color- which would you choose and why?   

         What about glitter in my favorite color ? ;) As much as I LOVE glitter, I would chose my favorite color!  I can use a variety of different mediums while using my favorite color, while just using glitter could be a bit limiting!  


I had an absolute blast getting to know all about Jillmary. I love her ambition to keep doing something she loves on top of accomplishing her goal to get into the medical field. Talk about girl power!

If you would like to follow Jillmary's journey with JillsPaperCo, follow her on Instagram @jillspaperco  ♡  

You can also purchase some of her pieces and request creations at: https://www.etsy.com/shop/jillspaperco  ♡

Self love you say?

Happy Saturday!  

I recorded this vlog yesterday, so happy belated Friday? LOL! 

Anywho, I made this vlog because Self love is something I am very passionate about. It truly is a life long journey, but it has to start somewhere- right?!

We've all been in shitty situations, and we always try to put the blame one someone else. Truth of the matter is- we should only be blaming ourselves. I know it sucks to hear that, but it's the truth. 

I believe the situations we get ourselves into, whether it be good or bad, derives from the amount of self love we have. 

When you don't love yourself enough, you don't know what you do and don't deserve. You take life as it is and just go with the flow. This causes us to get into "shitty situations" because we don't love ourselves enough to know we deserve better. We fill this void with bad relationships, friendships, or what we may consider "shitty situations." 

It sucks. It really does! But- there comes a time where you just have to realize that you deserve the best of the best and in order to receive the best of the best- it starts with you! 

Always remember to love yourself before you try to love anyone else because you are in control of your happiness. And when you're happy, you avoid "shitty situations." ;-)

When life throws you lemons....

Hello to all!

It has been quite some time since I've last blogged. It sort of feels like forever!

Let's just say I took a small break.


This post is going to be a little personal, but I feel it will touch many of the people who suffer with anxiety and/or depression, or even someone who is living life with someone who suffers from these mental illnesses or any mental illness at that.

Mental Illness is a very controversial topic now and days, and honestly- I hate it.

It's truly sad that people feel that they have to hide these sides, the real sides of themselves because they're going to get judged or laughed at.

Check this:

The great majority of people who experience a mental illness do not die by suicide.  However, of those who die from suicide, more than 90 percent have a diagnosable mental disorder.

People who die by suicide are frequently experiencing un-diagnosed, under-treated, or untreated depression.

Worldwide, suicide is among the three leading causes of death among people aged 15 to 44. (Mental Health Reporting, http://depts.washington.edu/mhreport/facts_suicide.php)

To say Mental Illness doesn't exist, is not only a lie- but an insult to those of us who suffer from it.

As it is not ever easy for one who suffers from Anxiety or any other Mental Illness, I am urged to share my story because not only is it real- but it can happen to anyone, at anytime, on any given day.

With that being said, here we go...

A few years go I had a very traumatic incident happen in my life that caused me and still causes me to suffer from anxiety.

At first, I did not want to believe it. I didn't want to believe it because it does indeed run in my family but I truly wanted to believe that I was okay. I wanted to believe that I was going to be okay no matter what. I didn't want confirmation from a doctor and I damn sure did not want any kind of medication.

For the longest of time, I constantly felt like someone was after me. I felt as if I was always the target. I would constantly have meltdowns, but I just always thought I was being dramatic or craving attention because that's what I was being told.

It wasn't until this year that I realized that I was not being dramatic, I was not seeking attention, I was just really not okay. As much as I wanted to believe I was, I was not.

I was having a hard time trying to figure out why God decided to bring me here to Seattle. Away from my friends, away from my sisters, away from my comfort zone.

I constantly doubted myself. I constantly felt defeated. I constantly felt like giving up.

It got to the point where I came home from work one day crying so hard I couldn't breathe. I cried so hard my head was spinning. I couldn't speak, I didn't want to do anything.

My fiance tried his hardest to be there for me but I just could not control the tears, the heavy breathing, the self-shamming.

I had literally cried from the time I got home till the next day.

I didn't want to eat, I didn't want to talk, I simply felt like life was just over.

It was at this point, I came to accept the fact that this was not me being dramatic, this was not me craving for attention, this was me having my first, what felt like severe, anxiety attack. This was me hurting. This was me facing the truth which was accepting that I do indeed suffer with anxiety.

This was my wake up call that Mental Illness is no joke.

It is not something to be swept under the rug.

For anyone who suffers with a Mental Illness, I give us all the credit.


We are constantly dealing with the people who don't believe in Mental Illnesses.

We are dealing with people who will laugh in our face and say we are the "attention-seekers."

But you know what, having anxiety does not define who we are.


We are still human, we still have feelings, and we still deserve to be respected.

So for those of you who don't know what it's like to have to live with any kind of Mental Illness, please take a step back and realize anything said to someone who does suffer from anxiety, depression, etc.. That could be the last thing they ever hear and that could be the last thing you ever get to say to them.


Mental Illness should never be pushed to the side, or even become a controversial topic.

It should just be accepted.










Shea Moisture product review!

Hello beauties!

 I've been trying to get some down time to blog a little but with a busy work week, by the time the weekend comes- ya girl is exhausted! 

So for the past 6 months I've been on this journey to strengthen my hair and get my natural curls back. Due to all the flat ironing I did to it, it almost felt impossible. 

I would always use tons of mouse, hairspray, and gel just to get it to stay decent looking when it was wet and I guess semi-curly.

Now if you know or have read about hair products that damage your hair, you would know neither of those products would make my curls come back. It just made the damage worse.

So back in April I cut my hair neck length, long bob kind of style, and vowed to not straighten my hair for 3 months. And surprisingly- I did not go against my vow.

During those 3 months I started using Shea Moisture products. I had read tons of reviews and watched tons of youtube videos on feedback and outcomes and I thought I'd give it a try.

From the conditioner all the way to the curling gel souffle- I've used it all!

And I honestly have had nothing but great outcomes. 

My hair has grown so much, I'd say about 2 inches or so and I can visibly see the difference in the new growth and the damaged hair.

Sadly, I'll have to cut it again soon. I'm just not ready yet!

I've also started using the Radiance facial mask but i'll be doing a review on that in another post!

Here are the pics of the growth of my hair when it's wet and semi-curly. The left is a couple of months ago. And the right was just taken this month! So much growth and you can see where the damaged hair is and the new growth!


Now here are the pics of when I straightened my hair after wearing it curly for 6 months! The growth is insane. The left is when I cut it, and the right is now. 



As you can see, there is a huge difference. I will admit, it is a process but the outcome is so worth it. I now try not to straighten my hair so often. Being that i'm now in colder weather, it's hard but I try my hardest not to give in! Haha!


How I grew to love anything that has to do with BROWS!

Every time someone asks me "What do you want to do career wise?" I always say "Brows!" And they look at me like I have four heads. And I nod and say, "Yes, just brows." And then of course they go ahead and nod and say "Oh, so cosmetology?" My response: "No, just brows." And once again, I get the four heads look. And they proceed to ask me "Why just brows?" I always respond "Long story."

So, for those of you who have asked me "Why brows?" Here is the "Long story."

Back in middle school, I had the most bushiest brows. Now when I say bushy, I mean VERY bushy brows. And at the time, I was way too young to get my eyebrows waxed every other weekend. So I had to just stick with the bushy brows GOD blessed me with. Now, back then, I would constantly get made fun of my eyebrows because I had a uni-brow, on top of having bushy brows. 

So, like any other girl with horrendous brows like mine, I went ahead and started experimenting the razors, and the tweezers.

One day, I just got tired of being made fun of, so when  I got home, I literally just shaved and tweezed off my eyebrows. Now, I didn't shave/tweeze them off completely.

Honestly, I don't really know exactly what kind of brow I was going for. LOL

I had no idea what the hell I was doing. All I knew was that I wanted the caterpillars to be gone! 

I did what ever I could to make sure I did not have bushy brows anymore, and most importantly I just wanted to not get made fun of for them anymore.

So, here I share with you the results of being an insecure middle-school girl.....

As you can see, I had no idea what the hell kind of brow I was going for. LOL

I went all throughout middle school and most of high school with these babies. And when I tell you, I wish I I just didn't given a shit about what people thought of me, I really wish I was not so insecure about my brows back then.

It did not make the comments and insecurity any better. It only made it much worse.

It was when I got to junior year that I realized I just needed to let them grow back out. I realized that would be the only way I would feel confident. Confident enough to not give a shit about what anyone thinks of me. 

 Let me tell you-  it was not easy. 

I had to learn the ins & outs of brows. From the shape, all the way to filling it in so you aren't urged yo pluck them. I watched numerous youtube videos. Tried all sorts of products. But the only thing that really worked, was just having patience. Giving it time for them to grow back out. 

So, by the end of my senior year, I had semi-decent brows. They hadn't grown back fully.  

They were slowly growing back. It was really hard to not pluck or shave them off again. Cause' when I tell you, sometimes I wanted to be like fuck this shit, and just shave them off again. LOL. But I just realized I was slowly gaining some self confidence, and that's what kept me motivated. Plus, I was about to start college and ya' girl was not about to look rough with no eyebrows. LOL

So, in college, I gained a nice little arch. I liked my brows, but I knew I wanted them just to be a little more full.

I filled them in a little just so I could create a nice looking brow that didn't look like I was trying to grow them out. I would pluck only where it was necessary and got them waxed when I was too lazy to pluck, but just a clean up.

Till this day,  I have grown to really love my brows. It's been a long journey, as you have read, but I am so much more confident! Check them out :)

So, at the end of the day, there is one lesson to be learned here: DO NOT SHAVE YOUR BROWS OFF! LOL. You will regret it. And, it's a bitch to get them back.

Although the journey was very hard, that is how I grew to love anything that has to do with brows. I've learned how to thread, shape, arch, and fill in all kinds of brows. I've had the opportunity to work on others brows as well. And it's just become something I love to do. :)

That new job blues...

When we were all little kids, all we wanted to do was grow up. Didn't we? We thought that when you became an adult things just got so much easier, right? Well..Weren't we all wrong now. LOL.

Growing up, unfortunately, isn't all it's cooped to be. When you decide you want to be grown, you gotta' do grown things. Like get a real job, and make some real money.

Now let me tell you, it was not easy! Applying for jobs when you have no experience, is almost impossible here in America. But, luckily for me, Hollister took me in, and taught me everything I know about customer service. It wasn't the best first job, but at that time, I didn't have many bills besides my phone bill (thanks mom,Ii appreciate ya')- so it was cutting it. After Hollister, I went on and worked for the Aldo company. if you know me, you know I love anything with shoes and fashion. So working for the Aldo company had it's perks. It also taught me everything about Sales. After Aldo, I went on to Claire's- but that didn't last long. So lets carry on...

On to Monkey Joe's...My lord Monkey Joes was probably the most worst best job I've ever worked at. It was a love/hate kind of job. Like, you love the people, hate the company and its unfair ways. Yeah, that kind. I obtained my managerial experience from Monkey Joe's, and that is all I am thankful for.

After MJ's, I went on and moved here to Tampa. And that's when I really had to grow up. My now Fiance and I moved into our first apartment together. So I had to make some real money, you know? So I started Massage Envy as a receptionist.

Massage Envy taught me everything I needed to know about selling memberships, and creating a personal bond with people when it comes to customer service. I grew to love the people I worked with like family. But after a while, I realized it was time to get a Big Girl job.

Now those of you in your Twenty-somethings know what I mean. I wanted a job that made me feel like a real Adult. You know? A job that actually made me tired at the end of the day. LOL.

So, I went on and got that big girl job making big girl money. And in the process of leaving Massage Envy, It had hit me. I had worked with those people for a good minute, and it sucked to have to leave them and start all over. I was scared shitless. I sat there like WTF did I just do?! I really had to put my big girl pants on now. (you know, those gray or black business pants, LOL)

When my first day came, I was just a mess. I was so nervous. Not to mention,  I was late. And I just sat their questioning myself if I was ready, did I want to meet new people again?! I was afraid the people wouldn't like me. I was scared to say or do anything wrong. Just, like I said, scared s h i t l e s s.

After a quick meltdown on my 1 hour break (yea, when you have a big girl job you get those! LOL) , I had to call my mom and get some advice. And it was then that it had hit me that I had become so complacent with where I was at with my job at Massage Envy, that it made me scared to leave and venture off to new opportunities.

I had gotten so use to the people I was working with, my schedule, being considered a senior there. I was just scared for a new beginning. 

After a couple of days at my new job, I had grown to love it. I've learned that it's not so bad starting over. New beginnings just mean new friends, and new opportunities. 

Moral of the story, 

Growing up, as stated before, is not all it's cooped up to be- but it's not bad either. Over time, you get to know yourself so much better. You learn to not accept anything less than what you deserve. And you learn not to become complacent with where you are in life. You deserve more, so go ahead and shoot for more. 



Love is...

I'd like to dedicate my first blog to my lovely grandmother who just recently past away due to cervical and breast cancer.

This is Love is...

Growing up, my family and I did not have it easy. There were 6 of us children. Of course my mother did a damn good job at raising all of us. But had it not been for my grandma, i'm sure my mom would have not been able to do it alone..

It was grandma who was there when mom couldn't be because she was working over time just to make ends meet. It was grandma who would take us to the store to get a bag full of candy when mom said no! It was grandma we came running to when we wanted new clothes or shoes from goodwill because mom said if one of us gets it, we all do! And at that time, there weren't enough funds for mom to get us all new clothes and shoes. But grandma always came in clutch, always. It was grandma who taught mom to make delicious meals. It was grandma who gave the butt whoopins when mom wasn't there to set us straight. It was grandma who was there to throw the most amazing birthday parties- salsa dancing everywhere! It was grandma who constantly reminded us that as we grow up we should always respect our mother. It was grandma who pushed us a little harder than mom to finish school and be successful- she was very clear on that! It was grandma who would give her last few dollars just so we could get ice cream from the ice cream truck. It was grandma you could count on if you ever needed a ride anywhere. It was grandma who gave the best hug and kisses as if you were never going to see her again. It was grandma who was there to always lend a helping hand. It was grandma who taught all of us how to make empanadas and pasteles. 

It was grandma who taught us all how to love unconditionally because you never know when your life is going to pass you by..

It was grandma who loved like there was no tomorrow... 

It was grandma who taught us that no matter how hard the fight is, you keep on fighting until there is no fight to fight anymore...

And lastly, it was grandma who taught us that family is forever..

 Love is...Grandma.